Keywords:: PermanentNote makePublic
Reference::
The teacher appears when the student is ready. If the person you want to influence doesn't have their needs satisfied, they won't be ready for the teacher. Why? Because learning, growing, improving is the property of the highest need—self-actualization.
The pyramid of needs tells us that a given need won't be relevant for the individual who hasn't satisfied preceding needs—physiological needs, self-protection, affiliation, status/esteem. Only once those needs are satisfied, can the teacher appear. More: P: Maslow's Pyramid of Needs
Therefore, the job of a teacher/coach/mentor/manager is to make sure all needs of the students are satisfied, if they won't to ensure the student's growth.
Digression: maybe that's why the people's department is so important in the organization. They make sure everyone feels good which enables high performance.
Underneath are just a few of the questions you can ask when evaluating someone's needs.
Immediate physiological needs: Are they healthy? Are they sleeping well? Are they eating well? Are they drinking enough water?
Self-protection needs: Do they feel secure? Do they have enough money to pay for the apartment, clothes, insurance, medication, etc? Do they have some money saved? Do they fear someone from company?
Affiliation needs: Do they have friends or at least colleagues? Do they feel welcomed at the office? Do they get support when in need?
Status/Esteem needs: Do people respect them? Are they respecting themselves? Do they have things they're proud of? Are they getting adequate praise when deserved?
(btw., the Maslow's pyramid also deserves a process—how to climb it and attain self-actualization)
No matter the particularities, it's critical for you to understand that it does not make sense to introduce any growth or performance teachings or challenges until your student satisfies their needs. You must be patient. If you do it prematurely, it will only hinder their development, making them feel weak, unmotivated, avoidant, etc., like a plant that was forced to grow during winter.
Now I thought that it's not only the mentor's job—it can be your job as well. If you're not performing, unmotivated, without purpose, you can ask yourself, "are my needs satisfied"?
Relevant notes (PN: )
tk P: You can't influence people using rationale unless you gain their trust first: you can't influence people using rationale unless you gain their trust first. Further, deep and candid listening is one of the best ways of understanding people's needs. The simple act of hearing them out is already healing. Why? You're not only gaining raw information about their needs but also making them feel heard, satisfying the self-protection ("someone cares for me"), affiliation ("I have someone to share my feelings with"), esteem needs ("I'm important to someone"). Further, you're allowing them to externalize their thoughts and feelings. Maybe it's the first time in their life that they've done it? Before they've been holding it in their heads for the whole time? This allows them to see their thoughts and emotions more clearly.
P: Listening: The lifeblood of human relationships: Based on the parent note create a note about the power of listening
Persuasion/Influence: Trust and liking, which leads to persuasion
Training/Motivation: Understand their needs, which leads to better coaching
Therapy: Heal them by helping them externalize (maybe it's the first time in their life), which leads to
Learning: Because you can learn from everyone. If there's really nothing positive about the person you're talking to (which almost never happens), you can at least learn what not to do.
You can say you've really listened when you can rephrase what they've told you, including both their rational and emotional perspective. You know that got it, when you hear from them something along the lines of "that's right."
With questions you can say more than with statements
Also add the note about it I wrote initially some time ago. Was it a process gem? Here it is: *
Mochary about listening
Also connect to the note about Dawid
Access related idea in my external brain/digital garden/zettelkasten (add this in the process gem review) October 23rd, 2022
PN: The growth mindset: The growth mindset can for sure help in developing a student but it might also be counterproductive if introduced too early.
P: Stoicism: a way of domesticating emotions and using them to your own ends: Is stoicism a philosophy only to the strong ones—those who have all needs satisfied—or will it be helpful for those with basic need unsatisfied as well?